dreamwindow The World We Live In and Life In General

I flew into Baltimore today to look for a place to live. I thought I had done a lot of research, and was prepared, but now I see that it's really going to come down to luck. I'm staying at the same hotel as last time, right up the street from the Institute, but I like my room more. Last time I had two beds, which always makes me feel odd. And I have no idea why. This time it's just one big one, and some chairs. And they gave me warm cookies when I checked in. Apparently that's a company policy, but nobody gave me cookies last time.
One thing that is the same as last time is I don't feel well. My flight today was at noon, so I got to get some sleep, but not enough. I've been waking up early, but still staying up late. So I still feel a bit out of it. There's at least none of the stress that comes with having an interview in the morning. In fact I'm planning on sleeping in late, if I can. But I think I'm homesick. I didn't have the chance to do any touristy things like I did last time. I had just enough time after landing and picking up my car to visit one potential residence. It's out towards the coast, so it was a bit of a drive from the airport. Then I forgot how long the whole application process took, and touring the house.
It was the tour that provoked the homesickness, I think. The place looked so much like where Mike grew up at Eastpointe. It's not identical, but just eerily close. Complete with bored kids standing around in all the parking lots. It's a nice place, but I may have to go with somewhere else, just for my sanity. Then again, being able to ride a bike to the beach could make up for that.
I called Jen from the airport before I left. I guess I haven't written much here, so if I haven't spoken to you in person the update is that we did finally have the "I'm moving" talk. And I traded in my Neon for a Civic, but that update will have to wait. I say we had the talk, but I think we're still having it. I honestly didn't expect her to be upset. I assumed she'd be a bit relieved, in fact. But her reaction was immediate. From giggly hellos to a choked sob and, "I'm happy for you. I really am. But I never imagined you would not always be here for me..." And I actually feel guilty about it, with all the shit she's going through right now. But she's found someone else, and it sounds very serious. So I have to convince myself (and her) that's it not my job to watch over her anymore. And, as a friend, I'm always reachable by phone, email, or instant messaging. But, after finding her again after all these years I'm finding it hard to risk losing her again.
Saying goodbye to everyone is different than I expected it to be. The reality is that there are quite a lot of people that I will in all likelihood never talk to again. Sure, I'll be going back to Ohio a few times a year, at least at first, but I don't want to do that with all my vacation time. And I don't actually think anyone is going to come out here to see me. Maybe Greg, during baseball season. Once, at least. And I'm worried about finding new friends here. I know I'll like everyone I work with. But I don't see any close friendships forming there. I got along great with everyone I went to OSU with- but I never felt close to any of them. And I never talked to any of them after I graduated, except a few quick hellos when I went back for a couple of public lectures. There's really only a few people that I went to grad school with that I would even care about keeping in touch with, and that will be difficult as people graduate, get married, and disperse to all corners of the globe. I find my fellow scientist too nerdy, I guess. I suppose my closest friends only tolerate me because they knew me before I was Brainiac Astrophysics Guy.
So maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe nobody gives a shit.